Year of the Spark: May 30th
by Sparky Army
Summary: A very odd fic involving Telemarines, Soviets, Indiana Jones, and Sparky...oh, heck, just read...


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**We, the Sparky Army, decree 2008 to be the Year of the Spark. We pledge to post a new sparky story or chapter of a sparky story every day from January 1, 2008 to December 31, 2008. Though the Powers that Be have removed Elizabeth Weir from the regular cast of Stargate Atlantis, we feel that she remains an integral part of the show, and that the relationship between her and John Sheppard is too obvious to be ignored. We hope that you, and anyone might happen to read these works, agree.  
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**And if that isn't official enough for you, we don't know what is. Seriously, guys, we're just trying to have some fun--and show TPTB that Sparky is the way to go. So sit back and enjoy the 366 stories coming your way! **

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Dear Readers,

_This is probably one of the randomest things I've ever written, in honor of the release of the new Narnia and Indiana Jones movies. It's not really Sparky until after the very first part, but I hope you enjoy the randomness. Happy reading :)_

_Best regards from a bookworm (and SGA SPARKY! fan),_

_Miss Pookamonga ;-P_

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_**Stranger Than Fiction**_

"Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Wake up!"

Elizabeth stirred restlessly, moaning in response to the unfamiliar voice echoing above her, but she didn't wake, her eyelids remaining firmly shut.

"Oh, come _on_, Elizabeth! We haven't got time for this! Oh, I do wish we hadn't come this way—"

Elizabeth's eyes snapped open.

"Elizabeth! Oh, thank _goodness_ you're awake! Come on, we've got to get out of here quickly; they'll be at the bridge any minute now. Can you stand?"

Elizabeth Weir blinked a few times and lifted her head to groggily survey her surroundings. The instant her eyes were able to focus, her heart plummeted into her stomach.

Where _was _she?

She was in a forest of some kind. She knew that by the thick green canopy of leaves filtering in the sunlight above her head. The ground felt damp and muddy, and she knew she was lying on an assortment of twigs and broken branches. But…what forest was she in, and better yet, _how _had she gotten there? Had she been abducted from her ship? Had the replicators grown impatient with her and decided to drop her off in the middle of no man's land on some unknown planet? Did something happen to her that she wasn't aware of? Because the last thing she knew she had been doing was talking to F.R.A.N. in the mess hall about human interaction, and she was quite sure that Rodney's "friendly replicator android" wasn't (yet) capable of doing anything malicious to her. But her head _did _ache as if she'd been struck by something very hard…

"_Elizabeth_!" The insistent voice of a young girl pierced her ears quite suddenly, accompanied by a hand lightly shoving her shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Elizabeth blinked again and turned her head towards the voice and upon doing so came face-to-face with a ginger-haired, freckled girl no older than twelve, who was dressed in some sort of medieval gown and was peering down at her with an anxious expression on her face.

Now Elizabeth was _really _confused.

"Umm, uh, I think so…who are you?" Elizabeth uttered weakly.

The girl's brow furrowed in increased concern. "It's me, Lucy," she answered. Suddenly, she gasped in terror and gripped Elizabeth's arm rather too tightly for the woman's comfort. "You…you haven't…_lost your memory_, have you?"

"Umm…" Elizabeth took another look at her surroundings. "Uh, I'm…not really sure."

"Well, here. Have a drop of this." The girl called Lucy drew a crystal flask containing a curious ruby-colored liquid from a case on her red belt and unscrewed the golden cap. Before Elizabeth could protest or ask the girl what on earth she was in the bottle, Lucy had poured a tiny drop of the stuff into Elizabeth's mouth.

"There, how's that?"

Elizabeth rolled her tongue around in her mouth and blinked once again before she realized that there was some strange tingling sensation running up from the tips of her toes all the way up to the tips of the hairs on her head. It burned—almost like the burning sensation of soda going down one's throat, but much less painfully. Suddenly, as the tingles began to subside, Elizabeth's head ceased throbbing, and she felt her body fill with a renewed energy and determination to get up and do…do something.

"I…I feel very good, actually," Elizabeth answered after a prolonged moment of silent wonder.

"Wonderful. Now we can get out of here. Come on, I'll help you up." Lucy grabbed Elizabeth's arms and pulled her upward off the ground as a still very confused Elizabeth pushed herself up with her legs.

"Umm, where's 'here' exactly?" Elizabeth asked awkwardly as she brushed herself off.

Lucy's eyes widened. "You mean you still don't remember?" She glanced down at her crystal bottle. "I don't understand--"

"No…I think your…cordial…or whatever-it-was worked," answered Elizabeth, cutting Lucy off quickly, causing the girl to look up at her inquisitively. "But…well…I don't think I knew where I was in the first place."

Lucy's face fell. "Oh, dear, this is much worse than I thought! I have no idea what I'm going to do…oh…well, there's no time to explain, you'll just have to come along with me, and I'll tell you later."

"I—but—where are we goinnngggg—" Elizabeth wailed as Lucy clutched her hand and began running, dragging the befuddled woman behind her.

"We're following Aslan. He's woken up the trees and now He and Bacchus and Silenus and the dryads and hamadryads and tree people are headed for Beruna because the troops are headed there, and we've lost track and now we've got to get there before the Telemarines do and Caspian loses Narnia to his Uncle Miraz…"

Wait a minute. _Narnia_?!

Elizabeth's thought processes screeched to a halt, and so did her stumbling feet.

"Hold on! We're…in…Nar—nar—"

"Yes, of _course _we're in Narnia! Oh, for goodness' sakes, I had no idea getting hit in the head by a tree branch could get someone _this _out of sorts! Oh, come on, we've got to get a move on before the Telemarines get there!" She grabbed Elizabeth's hand again and resumed galloping swiftly through the woods.

"But--!" cried Elizabeth helplessly as Lucy dragged her along. "How—_oof_—did—_agh_—I get here?!"

"Oh, by the Lion, she doesn't even remember _that_—it was through a wardrobe!" Lucy yelled as she, unfortunately for Elizabeth, picked up her pace.

"A _wardrobe_?!" She didn't even _have _a wardrobe!

Great. Here she was, being dragged through a storybook fantasyland by a little girl (who happened to be queen, she suddenly remembered from all her childhood reading memories) who was telling her that she'd been transported there through a non-existent wardrobe. Could the day get any worse?

"AAH!" _THUD._

It just had.

Elizabeth, with a grunt of effort, pushed her prostrate form off the tree root she'd tripped on and brushed herself off yet again. She looked up, expecting to see an anxiously impatient Lucy waiting for her, but when she did…

"Lucy?!"

Lucy was nowhere to be found.

Terrified, Elizabeth looked wildly around her, her eyes meeting trees from every angle. How had the girl just disappeared out of thin air? She'd been right in front of her!

"Lucy! Lu—_Queen_ Lucy! Your Majesty?!" cried Elizabeth desperately, weaving back and forth frantically among the mass of trees. Trees! Maybe there were tree people who could help her…oh, for heaven's sake, she was considering talking to _trees_. This entire situation was absolutely absurd.

"Lost?"

Upon hearing the oddly familiar masculine voice, Elizabeth's head spun around, and the man with whom she locked eyes was indeed so familiar that she nearly fainted from shock.

"_JOHN_?!"

He swaggered towards her, wearing a characteristic sideways grin on his face…along with a very unusual outfit consisting of a white shirt, a brown jacket, brown pants, leather boots, a…whip?, and a rather dusty brown wide-brimmed hat, almost like the one worn by—

"Dr. Henry Jones, Jr.—well, Indiana, I prefer to go by." He stuck out his hand.

Elizabeth gaped at John—Indiana—whoever he was—for several long seconds before finally answering. "You're—you're not—" she could not believe she was saying this "—Indiana Jones!" she gasped in confusion. "You look nothing like him!"

He—John…or Indiana, chuckled in amusement. "So you've heard of me then?"

"You're Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard," Elizabeth insisted almost angrily.

He laughed again at Elizabeth's indignation. "I must have a look-alike. And who might you be?"

Elizabeth ran a hand over her face in frustration. Now she was lost in the woods with a man who looked like John Sheppard but was claiming to be Indiana Jones…and where on earth—or in Narnia—was Lucy?! She was definitely going insane.

"Look, I don't know exactly who you are or where I am, but I need to get out of here, back to my ship—" "Indy" clamped a hand over her mouth before she could finish.

"Shh! I hear them!" he dragged Elizabeth, who was now terrified beyond all possible repair, behind a nearby tree.

Elizabeth, in a rush of confusion and anger, ripped…Indy's…hand off her mouth and glared at him. "Who do you mean, 'them'?" A few minutes ago, "they" had been the Telemarines, but considering things in this forest tended to change rather rapidly, anything was possible.

"The Reds. Now, if you keep quiet and follow me, we'll probably get the Skull to the temple in time without them knowing—"

"Wait a minute—"

"SHH!"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and dropped her voice to a hoarse whisper. "Wait a minute, 'Reds'? You don't mean—"

"Russians. Soviets. Yes! Where have you been for the past decade?" Indiana-John hissed. "Come on, we've got to _move_!"

Elizabeth tiptoed after Indy quickly, but didn't stop firing questions at him. She just _had _to sort all of this out. "Hold on…Russians? In Narnia?"

Indy—John's version of him—stopped sneaking behind trees and frowned confusedly at Elizabeth, whose face was now a mess of utter hopelessness. "Narnia? You really _are _lost, aren't you?"

"Well I was _in _Narnia before you showed up—"

"I hope you don't mind me asking this, but you don't…you don't _belong somewhere_, do you?"

Elizabeth stared in bewilderment at the man calling himself Indiana, but then…

"I am _not_ from a mental institution! And you're one to talk—here you are, claiming to be a character created by George Lucas when you obviously look and sound like one of my very best friends!" she hissed vehemently.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, Little Miss Sunshine, I was just asking—by the way, who on earth is George Lucas?"

"Oh, for the love of—did you just call me 'Little Miss Sunshine'?!"

"Will you keep it down? They'll hear us!"

_THWACK!_

At the sound, Indy and Elizabeth pivoted around swiftly to see what had just happened. The sight that met Elizabeth's eyes was even more horrifyingly confusing than anything that had previously occurred.

There, protruding from the trunk of a nearby tree, was a long, slender arrow.

Last time Elizabeth had read up on her history, the Soviets had possessed nuclear capabilities. They were most definitely above and beyond the primitive use of arrows.

"What the hell is going—"

"RUN!" yelled Indy, turning on his heel and sprinting off into the forest.

"Wha—_wait_!" screamed Elizabeth, stumbling after him.

_WHIZZ-WHIZZ!_

All of a sudden, a sharp volley of arrows began barraging Elizabeth and Indy from every direction, zooming past their heads and forcefully striking the surrounding tree trunks and branches. Elizabeth yelped in surprise and ducked her head down, artfully dodging the projectiles as best she could while attempting to keep up with Indy's unbelievably quick running. Once, she chanced a swift glance behind her and was intensely shocked to discover that they were being pursued not by menacing-looking Soviets in green uniforms, but armed horsemen wearing what looked like Spanish conquistador helmets.

"THOSE AREN'T SOVIETS!" she screamed at Indy. But he didn't appear to hear her. He just kept running.

And running.

And running.

And running and running and running and running until Elizabeth thought she was going to collapse from exhaustion. "I can't _do_ this anymore!" she cried desperately at Indy, who was several paces in front of her.

"No! You can't stop! They'll get you!" Indy-John swerved round and headed back for the panting Elizabeth, dodging more arrows along the way.

"But…I…can't…run…anymore!" she heaved, staggering toward him.

"Then I'll just have to carry you!"

Before Elizabeth was able to fully comprehend what the man was doing, he had swept her legs off the ground and was scrambling through the trees again, holding her firmly to his chest.

She yelled over the noise of the arrows in protest, but Indy ignored her and continued moving. Eventually, she gave up trying to argue with him and decided to wrap her arms around his neck and hold on for dear life. She desperately hoped he wasn't going to drop her. She knew the real John wouldn't…and neither would the real Indiana Jones.

Suddenly, she heard a deafening roaring sound coming from beside them, and another familiar voice screaming out Indiana's name. She tried to lift her head to find the source of the noise, but before she could, she was flying through the air, only to land with a muffled _thump _on the seat of what looked like an army Jeep.

"Huh?" Elizabeth shifted her body's position—and was violently tossed to the side by the Jeep's swerving to the left and by Indy's decision to leap into the vehicle at that precise moment.

"OW! You're on my arm!"

"Sorry." Indy moved his foot and expertly climbed onto the rear of the Jeep, commencing firing a gun at the soldiers pursuing them.

Elizabeth, meanwhile, straightened herself up to get a good look at what was going on, but she didn't get very far before seeing who the driver was.

"_Lucy_?!"

"No time to talk, Elizabeth; they're after us!"

Elizabeth gaped at the young girl for a moment, who was still dressed in her regal attire but was steering the Jeep violently as if she had spent her entire life training to drive a getaway car.

"HOW DID YOU GET THIS THING?!" screamed Elizabeth over the racket of Indy's gun.

"I picked it up—hold on!"

"What do you mea—AAAAH!" Elizabeth was thrown to the side of the Jeep as Lucy swerved yet again, narrowly missing the cliff that had just appeared out of nowhere.

"Sorry! I almost drove off!" cried Lucy as she slammed her foot on the gas pedal again, the force now throwing Elizabeth backwards against the seat…

…and sending Indiana flying backwards on top of her.

"Ugh! Sorry," he apologized quickly, trying to pull himself up off Elizabeth's lap.

Elizabeth, blushing for some odd reason at the ridiculous position Indy-John was in, grabbed his arms and helped him up.

"You doing okay?!" he yelled.

"Fine, fine, I'm just fine!" Elizabeth lied.

"Good! 'Cause we're going to get you out of here!"

"HOW?!" screamed Elizabeth.

"GET UP!"

"WHAT?!"

"_GET UP!_"

Indy jumped up onto the back of the Jeep once again and held out his hand to Elizabeth. Confused, she took a glance at Lucy, hoping for some explanation, but the girl queen was too busy speeding away from the approaching horsemen to notice.

"COME _ON_!" screamed Indy impatiently.

Throwing away all hope for any rational way to decipher her situation, Elizabeth took a deep breath, clutched Indy's hand, and leapt up onto the back of the Jeep with him.

"OKAY, ON THE COUNT OF THREE, WE'RE GOING TO JUMP!" yelled Indy over the roar of the engine.

"_JUMP_?!" she shrieked. "WHY?!"

"ONE—"

"_JOHN!"_

"TWO—"

"WHERE ARE WE GOING?!"

"THREE!"

In an instant, Indy-John grabbed Elizabeth by the waist and hurdled off the speeding Jeep, whisking her along with him. They hit the ground with a painful force and rolled swiftly through the underbrush until they came to a stop by an odd, out-of-place street lamppost.

"You okay?" gasped Indy, helping a dizzy Elizabeth off the ground.

"Uhh…uhh…why is that lamppost here?"

Indy-John chuckled. "It's your ticket out of here. Now all you have to do is take this" –he shoved a misshapen skull made out of pure crystal into her arms "—and take it through that thicket." He pointed to a mass of bushy branches to his left.

Elizabeth gaped at the skull and looked back up at the man she knew as John Sheppard in utter befuddlement. "But…_why_?"

Indy chuckled yet again and leaned in to kiss her quickly on the mouth. "Just do it, babe. Trust me."

Elizabeth blinked in shock for a few moments, completely disoriented. Had _John Sheppard_—well, Indiana Jones—had he just _kissed_ her? And called her…

" '_Babe_'?!" she cried incredulously.

Indy laughed a third time. "Go! Get out of here," he insisted, pushing her into the thicket.

"But—"

"No buts. _Go_, woman!" And with that, he gave her a final shove, sending Elizabeth tumbling through a dark mass of branches until—

"Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Wake up!"

Her eyes snapped open.

"Lucy? Lucy? Is that you?"

The familiar form of a replicator android shook her brunette head and laughed. "No, Dr. Weir, it's me, F.R.A.N. I just got back from stepping out to get something to show you, and you'd fallen asleep," the friendly woman answered.

Elizabeth lifted her head slowly and blinked. "I…I did? Oh, I'm sorry," she said, shaking off her drowsiness.

"It's alright. Maybe it would be better if I showed you tomorrow?"

Elizabeth nodded and smiled. "I think that would be best."

"Well, I will see you then. Good night, Dr. Weir." F.R.A.N. turned and began walking away.

"Good night!" Elizabeth called after her. After a few moments, she sighed to herself. "Thank goodness it was only a dream," she muttered amusedly, before getting up and heading to her quarters.

But there was one part of the dream she secretly wished had been real.

That kiss.

By god did she miss John.


End file.
